Jobber

I’m a bit more than a month into my new job. That’s four months of work here in Virginia, after about three months of unemployment. A lot of the time the work stresses me out, but I’m happy to have it. It was tough to be jobless.

Obviously it wasn’t hard work being unemployed. And I tried to make the most of my time, reading and writing and telling myself to appreciate it because soon I’d have a job again and wish I had more leisure. Which I do.

The biggest stressor was the feeling of limbo. With so many things that I want to do, I couldn’t stand to, well, sit around all day. I ended up researching and considering all the possible things I want to do, and then didn’t do any of them.

I remember a guy at a party telling me that I was lucky to not have a job. That he wished he didn’t. I told him to quit. He laughed, and I thought of how we both envied each other’s situations.

Since I had so much time, I reread “Days of War, Nights of Love.” Their outlook romanticizes unemployment. Job free, home free, deodorant free. But I couldn’t feel the romance. I wanted to get back to work.

Maybe I needed something to keep me from over-thinking. Or maybe it was the sense of identity, of fitting in – contributing – that became even more desirable since I’d moved to a new place. In any case, I'm ready for a vacation.

Personal Statement, First Draft

I tried to quit school for a year. I didn’t enter the classroom this August, and, for the first time in twenty years, summer’s end didn’t mark the beginning of a new academic year for me. I planned to work outside the realm of education for a bit. See what I may have missed. But I couldn’t cut myself off entirely. By October I started to tutor for an after-school program at a local elementary school. Plus, the majority of my friends in town were full-time graduate students. Then my new teacher’s license came in the mail, and got me thinking of the students I’ve had in the past few years, of the students I could have had this year.

From 2006 through 2009 I taught high school English in New Hampshire, Vermont, and France, respectively. I loved it. I found, though, that I wasn’t ready to end my own education. This isn’t to say that I wasn’t learning while teaching – quite the contrary. However, I wanted to continue my formal education at the graduate level. I wanted to return to the classroom as a student.

My last year three semesters at college preluded those past three years: I worked in seminar-level literature courses at Keene State, studied at the University of Rennes II in France, and completed my internship as a student teacher at Souhegan High School. It was also at that time that I decided on my eventual goal of earning a PhD and teaching at the university level. Unfortunately, I couldn’t decide what material I wanted to dedicate so much time and energy to.

So far in my academic pursuits, I have chosen breadth over depth. I love to look at seemingly disparate subjects and search for fruitful connections, or, specifically as a pedagogical tool, to use knowledge of one subject to enrich the understanding of another subject. For example, I can use a student’s knowledge of collegiate wrestling to better explain the writing process. Or, in my own work, I can call on my understanding of quantum physics to gain a new perspective on a post-modernist text. Even though I plan to maintain my generalist tendencies, I understand that graduate school is a world of specialists. And until recently, I struggled to narrow my scope.

At first it seemed odd that living in France would invigorate my interest in American literature and culture. Yet the more I thought about it, the easier it became to see how the experience of a foreigner would cause one to deal intimately with one’s national identity. My nationality was my defining characteristic. In order to reflect on my interactions in France, on how others perceived me, I had to explore how American culture has shaped me. Additionally, I had to think about how others view American culture – generally – and how the French view America and Americans – specifically.

What started as a pursuit to better understand my identity as a foreigner became a realization of what I wish to focus on in graduate school. Within my English coursework as an undergraduate, the 20th Century American Literature class and the Thoreau seminar stood out. While I credit the professors for making the content especially engaging, I also know that when left alone with the texts I found myself captivated. These courses, combined with my non-academic exploration of how language and national culture shaped me, led me to my desired field of focus. Specifically, I am interested in how 20th and 21st Century American literature reflects and represents the impact of modern science on individuals and culture. Furthermore, within this context, I would like to explore the role of science and language in constructing and defining one’s reality and identity. I believe that further study into the connection of philosophy of science with semiotics, in the context of 20th & 21st C. American literature, offers awesome insights and I’m excited to pursue them.

How specific program would be good for me (professors to work with).

My undergraduate and professional teaching experience greatly influenced my graduate and post-graduate school aspirations. However, I also believe that this year, this brief intermission in my educational career, has been instrumental in realizing how much passion I have for teaching and learning. Just as my sejour in France brought my excitement for American literature and culture to the forefront, this period outside the classroom has reinforced my desire for a career in education.