I’m a bit more than a month into my new job. That’s four months of work here in Virginia, after about three months of unemployment. A lot of the time the work stresses me out, but I’m happy to have it. It was tough to be jobless.
Obviously it wasn’t hard work being unemployed. And I tried to make the most of my time, reading and writing and telling myself to appreciate it because soon I’d have a job again and wish I had more leisure. Which I do.
The biggest stressor was the feeling of limbo. With so many things that I want to do, I couldn’t stand to, well, sit around all day. I ended up researching and considering all the possible things I want to do, and then didn’t do any of them.
I remember a guy at a party telling me that I was lucky to not have a job. That he wished he didn’t. I told him to quit. He laughed, and I thought of how we both envied each other’s situations.
Since I had so much time, I reread “Days of War, Nights of Love.” Their outlook romanticizes unemployment. Job free, home free, deodorant free. But I couldn’t feel the romance. I wanted to get back to work.
Maybe I needed something to keep me from over-thinking. Or maybe it was the sense of identity, of fitting in – contributing – that became even more desirable since I’d moved to a new place. In any case, I'm ready for a vacation.
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4 comments:
it s funny that you mention days of war- i was just thinking about that book the other day. also funny that you read it and couldn t feel the romance because you wanted to fit in- do you feel like you used to agree with the ideas in that book more?
-ek
There are certain ideas in the book that I agree with less, and others that I agree with more. In the case of not having a job, it wasn't what I thought so much as how I felt.
I think that book has a lot of cool ideas but many of them don't account for how people would and do really feel.
Fiction is often the fantastic posing as reality. The better the writing, the better the suspension of disbelief.
From the point of view of an unemployed, semi-retired person, I agree about the seeming aimlessness of unemployment, but when I work at stuff I love, like writing and music, then that aimlessness disappears. The real problem is social isolation. We get a whole lot of socializing done at work.
For you, Shawn, I think you love research!
Yeah, that's a good point about social isolation. It felt especially strong because I had moved to a new state and community, and didn't feel at all that I belonged.
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